|These are the VIP's in my life. They matter and their opinions matter.|
Like I said (before the attitude hit) I quit posting on this blog for a multiple number of reasons. I had been having a particularly bad patch of it around the holidays and went to have coffee with friends and we were talking about various aches, pains, hardships, and realities when...
- A friend (aka Her from here on) told me that everyone knows I am sick and just about no one wants to hear about it anymore! That just by looking at me I was playing up how bad my situation and illness is. What really irritated me about it was she did air brackets..."sick" around the word sick when she said it....really folks I am surprised she is still alive. Her made comments that I have made to myself numbers of times about why don't I look sicker? I mean it took me 2 hours not 10 minutes to get out of bed, shower and get dressed to go to this thing. My brain hadn't totally awakened yet and I was still in a fog and I was speechless for a few minutes. Nope that person isn't a friend any longer and I could really give a shit about Her opinion anymore but....what if other people felt the same way? What if they were too polite to say anything like Her did? Was I boring them to tears, squandering their precious time like she had said?
- I felt really guilty about the remarks I made to her when my fog disspated and I could form a coherent sentence that didn't include the term "fuck you who do you think you are?" I wondered if I over reacted when she told me that she was only thinking about me and why people didn't want to hang around with me anymore. I don't feel that way now but I did then. Her said that it wasn't like I had cancer or anything like that and "I wasn't going to die from it was I." I really don't know if what I have is going to kill me or not...some days I wonder when my pain gets so bad I have trouble reaching around to wipe my own butt! Excruciating pain that is like electrical shocks that fly up and down my spine. I asked Her did she want to come help me wipe my butt on those days to see how bad it is? Her reacted to me by saying, "see these are the kind of remarks I am talking about!" Guess I don't get any help from Her!
- One of the biggest reasons is once out of the habit of blogging it becomes a burden to get back into the habit for me. And once again I wonder if people really want to hear about my aches and pains, trials and tribulations, how I get by one day at a time. Does it do anyone any good to read about it when they all have problems of their own.
- I talk to my therapist a lot about my problems both physical and mentally. Debbie encourages me to think things through and doesn't tell me the right or wrongs of something I say or do... Debbie's take on it was "how do you feel about it?" So after much thought and deliberation I think I am going to start blogging again about me, recipes I tried, the drugs I have taken, lab work results etc etc etc. I know some people might not like to read about me but if it is an issue with anyone then I guess Her would like a new friend!