Day 8

Woke up today to the sound of the wind howling across the plains.  The sky is a little murky with all the dirt and dust being transported in from West Texas and western Oklahoma.  It was a quiet Sunday on the Doswell home front...I spent some of the day outside doing some of the endless projects of taking care of the pool, picking up and putting away etc....etc...etc...sounds like  stuck record and feels like one some days.   I hadn't been outside very long when the wind really kicked in strong from the north and a frontal passage of cold air blew into town.  I heard something go bump across the deck earlier in the day and when I went outside I found various and sundry items ie: lawn chairs, buckets etc. in the pool.  Thanks to Michael and Heather most of the leaves and debris that were in the bottom had been netted out and the pool is operational already this year. The pool is really looking clear and I plan on vacuuming it sometime this week after the cold front rolls on through!  It will probably be another complete month before it will be warm enough to get in the water!  Brrrr... 

I planted a few of the onion, broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage plants I bought last week.  Chuck says he thinks it is a little late in the year for Oklahoma planting of these items but I planted them none the less and hopefully they will do something.  I also put together my herb garden planter that I saw on DIY at Home Depot.

I bought the pots and plants at Lowe's and I am planning on planting some seeds in the top 2 pots.  Okay you asked why did I steal Home Depot's ideas and go to Lowe's to get the things I needed?  Well I just found out that Home Depot is a misogynistic organization that has all sorts of philosophies that go against what I believe. I have heard that they don't believe in equal rights for women, they are racists and racially inappropriate at times, and don't support the US troops.  I also have heard that they are pro LGBT rights so I am clueless as to what to believe about Home Depot.  Anyone with any thoughts on this?

I ended my day going over to Heathers house to take care of the critters while they are out of town.  I love my grand-bird and grand-kittehs!  The grand-dogs have been boarded because they need more care then I can give them and I think that Heather and Michael are worried that a 60# dog might knock me down or harm me in someway.....While at Heathers I managed to watch Game of Thrones....NOW can you believe in Karma!!!

OMG!

It didn't take me long to get behind on my daily blogging did it...two days blogging and 10 days off!  I thought I would try and sneak in the missing 10 days but you know that's not the name of this game is it.  So I will pick up here and try to stay on top of the game from now on.  I will do a daily synopsis of the week that I didn't blog daily!

Tuesday April 8-day 3-Didn't do much cause I didn't get out of bed till after noon today and that was because my daughter called and invited me to go to lunch at Red Robin for a real hamburger...now there is nothing big in this except that they have gluten free hamburger buns!!!  It is the little things I know!!! It has been over 2 years since I have been able to go out and order a hamburger complete with bun and this was a real treat!  We did a little shopping at Tuesday Morning and Michaels then she brought me home so I could play with all my loot!

Wednesday April 9-day 4- went to see the counselor today.  I was impressed with how fast she got me in and I was thinking she probably didn't have many clients or wasn't much good but I was pleasantly surprised when I met Mary.  I suppose I had fairly illogical reasons for picking her...she was a woman and she was a nurse but I felt comfortable with her from the moment I met her.  I don't want some one who is going to dispense drugs to cover my ills but someone who will sit and talk with me about what is going on in my life that has caused some of my issues.   I wasn't ready for her question of why I was there...I guess I thought she would ask me a few questions and would tell me why I was there but we spent the hour getting to know one another and investigating reasons I am there.   The one thing that was clear from the beginning with Mary is that she wasn't going to give me reasons for being there but to help me explore why I feel I need to be there.  I also found out that my Lyrica, Savella, and Requip might be part of the reason I am having obsessive compulsive issues.  More on this later.  I went up to Heather and Michael's to get Michael to drill the holes in the PVC to make my towel bar for out by the pool.

Thursday April 10-day 5- I went to see Dr. Malik today and then went to lunch with my daughter Heather and our friend Jennifer.  We went to Jasen's Deli and I love going there cause I can get a a sandwich on gluten free bread and soup that is gluten free.  I enjoyed visiting with them and catching up with what is going on in Jennifers life now days especially since she is going to be a Grandma soon!  Nothing new came from the visit with Dr. Malik except she is now thinking I probably truly do have fibromyalgia and that I might need to try alternative therapy for the disorder...ie rest, massage, etc.  I told her about my conversation with Mary about the OCD issues and she agreed with me that my weaning off the Lyrica, Savella, and Requip might be a good idea just to see if they are doing me any good or not and to weigh the pros and cons of taking them.  I went to Riverwind Casino for a little bit of free play today. 

Friday April 11-day 6- slept in again today.  I think I forget I can't be out and about everyday like I used to and not pay for it physically.  I think that is something I probably should talk to the therapist about.  I feel out of control most days and even though I don't have the control I know I need to learn coping mechanisms to deal with them.  I am going to start rereading and doing the work book for the Eckhart Tolle program again cause I really think it helped me back years ago get control of self.  Terri texted and reminded me that it was a crop night so I loaded up a bunch of stuff and went over to the store to spend some quality time with the BFF's tonight.  I didn't 'crop' or make cards tonight but instead made a canvas to hang in my craft room. 

I don't consider this 'taxing or over doing' because it relaxes me but sometimes I forget that it can be 'work' too and I need to take that into consideration when I am having fun too!

Saturday April 12- day 7- taught a tag class at Scrap That today.  Only 2 of the three students showed up for the class but it was a good time had by all.  The class was from 1-4pm but we spent a lot of time cussing and discussing various things and I didn't make it home till after 6 pm!!  I decided to stop by Taco Casa and get nachos for our supper so we ate nachos and watched TV most of the evening!

So that is the week in a nutshell.  I will set an alarm on my computer to make sure I remember to blog each day!  Promise, cross my heart...well I won't promise anything cause I don't want to tempt fate! 

Day 2 of the blogalong challenge

I came online and found that I hadn't hit publish on my post from yesterday...well I did but then I saw some mistakes and I hadn't hit spell checker before publishing so I didn't hit update to publish the post so there really aren't two posts in one day...just a corrected one and the one that is suppose to be Day Two.

I have been giving this project some thought.  I have contacted, well left a message with my friend Pam about getting some help with pain management.  I think that the past 4 years have taken their toll on my body.  I don't sleep well, I am always in pain on a daily basis, I am really frustrated with my memory issues and I am not coping with stress at all well!  I have effected changes in my diet to help ensure I have a balanced and nourishing meal plan.  I have been lusting after pancakes recently and even the gluten free pancakes aren't pushing the desires away.  I know if I eat gluten I will have abdominal pain, gas and bloating, not to mention the diarrhea, headaches, all over pain aches and body pain but I still want to go to I-Hop and have a big plate of them!  I know they aren't good for me but lusting I am.  So far I have been able to hold off the demon but I still am wanting them badly.

Secondly I contacted a therapist/counselor that deals in women's issues, addiction, chronic relapse, self esteem issues, depression etc.  All of which I think I qualify for.  I am hoping that she gets back to me soon so that I can set up an appointment and get on with this because I am not foolish enough to think that I am going to change on my own but I am not going to think that my family is going to help me change either.  I have all sorts of hateful hurtful thoughts regarding that and I think that it would be best to keep them out of this mess as best as I can.  I got a call back from the counselor and I will be going in to see her at 2:45 on Wednesday of this week.  The counselor is an ex-RN so I feel we will connect on one point anyway.   So one appointment made now waiting on Pam to get back to me on setting up an appointment.

I also have an appointment at 10:30 on Thursday with the rheumatologist  Dr. Sanobar Malik.  I really like Dr. Malik cause she doesn't treat my pain issues as being somatic and rule them out as being all in my head.  I would recommend her to anyone who has pain issues cause she is awesome.
So one appointment made now waiting on Pam to get back to me.

I am really not a sexist but I have recently turned towards women healers more then men...with the exception of Dr. Merrill my internal medical physician.  Dr. Merrill is one of the best diagnosticians I have encountered in my career and he is as tenacious as a bull dog when it comes to searching out the cause of your problems.   I think the reason I have more women on my team is that I relate to them and they are more in tune with women's issues.

I think I will get started on some gardening this afternoon.  I bought some plants, broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage that need to get in the ground.  I don't know if they stand a chance this late in the year in Oklahoma but I am going to give it a try and see what they do.  I love to garden...always have...and the new gardening beds make it a lot easier for me to enjoy the process without causing me more physical issues.

Looking at taco salad for supper...Yum homemade taco salad is hands down good eats!

Day two done. 

30 day blogalong with Effy Wild...Blog post a day!

 I have decided to take up a challenge from a artist and crafter that I follow religiously on the internet.  I pondered which blog I should do this challenge on and I decided that since it was a self care issue much like what journaling or a diary is that it belonged here on the Okienurse Fibro blog.  I will warn you that like what Effie warned her readers some of the stuff might get a little intense and personal but it is my blog and I can write what I want so I am just preparing you for the possibility.  

Why am I doing it?  I think I am going to start a self help/change in my life cause I am not liking where it is at or where it is going at this point.  I have been married to the same man for the last 39 years and still love him dearly but I have found myself becoming increasingly more of an albatross to him and I don't want that.  I need to change!  I have to be able to live with the changes and want them for myself as much as I want them to make our relationship strong so I am not just going to change for him or the children.  I am almost 62 years old and a lot I do depends on the "children" and how it will impact them...should have given that up a long time ago cause Chad is now 38 years old, married with 2 girlies and a new baby on the way.  Heather is 35 years old and is happily married living nearby with her husband/partner of almost 10 years.  Heather and Chad have picked up some of my old baggage and I hope that they will see it is possible to lay it down and have a happy life a lot earlier then I have.

What baggage am I talking about?  Well I am not exactly sure on that topic myself but a lot of it stems around being a strong character (yes I am a character), a supporter, empath, and trying to do everything for everyone else to make their lives more livable to the point of forgetting myself.  I am slowly awaking to who I am and what I want to be but the baggage has a tight hold on me.   Some things I have identified that I need  to work on are:

1. I can't be what everyone thinks I am.  I have to be who I am and it is a struggle trying to find that out.  I think I am going to enlist the aide of a good psychologist to help me get a handle on that. 
2. I have an obsessive compulsive behavior disorder that is driving me nuts.  I used to joke with my sister about her OCD but her hand washing and compulsion with with dirty coffee cups and silverware in restaurants is nothing compared to what I have going on.  My current compulsion is gambling...I win I lose but it is becoming an issue in the hacienda!  In the past it has been sex, drinking, smoking, overeating, overcharging on my cards etc.  It has always been there and I think I am tired of dealing with it.  I joined Gamblers Anonymous (GA) a couple years ago and did really well for a year until I ran into a friend at WalMart and went to the casino with them and it all came back...even worse!  I went back to GA but I didn't like the political strife that was going on there.  I am going to start back again tomorrow night cause I think if I don't get on top of this I will regret it.
3. I have so many aches and pains each and every day it limits what I can and can't do physically.  I think that I am going to find something that I am capable of doing that will get me out of the house and interacting with others.  I find that my days are the same...I am bored.  I have thought about getting a job as a door greater at WalMart (but I don't like WalMart!) or a similar job.  I am going to be teaching more classes at Scrap That to help with this.
4. On the aches and pains front...I have a doctor friend that is going to help me try and get on top of this pain issue that is more in to holistic healing then giving me another drug to take.  Pam has studied various medical, osteopathic, and naturalistic approached to medicine and I hope she will be able to help me....now I just need to remember to give her a call to set up an appointment.

Okay I think that is enough to dump on you today.  I am starting about a week behind the others in the group but I will continue through the whole 30 days into May...who knows if it is helping I may continue on!!