Day 2 Blogging along with Effy Wild

TODAY'S NUDGE
2) What do you really want?

Now that is a good question!  I want a lot of things...

I have of late had issues with memories and I think the things I want most can't be bought or sold.  I lost 3 units of blood during my surgery and while they gave the blood back to me I had a period of hypoxia and my oxygen stayed low even after surgery.  I remember asking the nurse why my oxygen saturation was staying in the 70's...normal is 100% of course.  I am an old ICU/ER nurse and to have a low blood oxygen saturation is not something I would want at all.  When you have the low sats for a period of time the brain gets a little pissed and starts to swell...  I think I will regain most of my function or at least I am wanting to regain all my mental acuity asap.  

One of the things the oxygen saturation issue has caused that I have noticed is my inability to do my art.  I don't seem to have an original thought of my own and I can't seem to get up much more then sit here and diddle on the computer.  I have trouble forming words and sentences and I forget just about everything short term.  I know the doctor said that it was short term and it most likely would all return fairly quickly but I am impatient I want it now.   I want to sit down in my craft studio and create something original, to get lost in the cutting, pasting, painting and creating something maybe only I love.

I have been having problems with my Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue since surgery.  There were a couple of weeks I had a hard time getting out of bed.  I would go to bed at 12 midnight and not get out of bed till 2-3 pm the next afternoon.  I had trouble sleeping and while I thought I was the medications were not letting me get good sleep so I quit them all.  I still take an occasional Norco or Tramadol when the pain in my back gets bad enough but it seems the narcotics tend to make my ability to deal with the fibromyalgia next to impossible.  I am not lying when I say I live constantly in a 4-5 pain world all the time... 0 is no pain-10 is I am ready to go to the hospital.  My back is the least of my pain now and it takes forever to get this other under control.  I want that control again.  It took me years to get it when I first got sick and when I woke up post op it was gone.

I have a family that is very supportive and a husband that stands by me and helps me to the best of his ability...huh?  Well I am one of those "I will do it myself" people so I tend not to tell him when I need help or need him to do something.  Like he says all I have to do is ask but like I told him I don't ask and he doesn't mind read my needs.  I want to be able to ask for help and not take it as a put down of me, myself, and I when I do.

I could go on and on but won't.  I don't want for much in the reality of goods or things.  I would like more money, more clothes, a bigger house, etc etc but I don't want for it.  What I already have is more then a lot of others have.

If you would like to blog along click this link and it will take you to Effy's blog.